This world will have you running to stone for embrace—
والحجرُ أحَنُّ من البشر
gravestone gentler than human.
From Bazeed's cento (patchwork poem) for Sarah Hegazi, I WANT SKY
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KPI?
Can you think of a worse question?
Oh, I can:
What's the fastest (cheapest) way to build a bowtie funnel?
or...
How much do you love Hubspot!?
If you're struggling to keep up with this chum bucket of jargon, you can take a sigh of relief because 1.) I will stop and 2.) this must mean you've successfully avoided any and all webinars about leveraging generative AI, congratulations.
Me? I've been in or around marketing / advertising / puffy vested sales cycles for 20 (twenty!!) years now.
I am tired.
And I am lonely.
Also, I'm not really getting any new work. 🫥
[Hello, Reader. Welcome to my newsletter, where instead of promising a direct and easy path to six figures with an adorably simple side hustle—I just bum you out!]
I've been meeting lots of new prospects. Interviewing. Pitching myself and my work.
Recently, I found myself excited about potentially creating content for a company that sells a software to make printers work more reliably in office settings.
Very...unsexy. And yet.
I thought back to when I was a young textile designer on 6th avenue in Manhattan.
I had begun to hate the job and dreamed of getting into advertising so I rewrote my resume and wanted to print out a few copies and you know where this story is going, right?
Big offices have multiple printers and it is absolutely certain that when you are printing out things you are not supposed to print out at work, that printer will malfunction and send your obviously-looking-for-a-better-job document out to the wrong printer next to your boss's office.
So I was excited about the seemingly unsexyness of printer problems.
Because the stories there are so richly, deeply human.
But this prospect, this company didn't really want to talk about stories—except to ask what book I was currently reading to which I responded with an improvisational and highly emotional tribute to the meticulous genius of Robert Caro and a tautly compelling synopsis of the tragic suffering and longing of mother and son at the center of Shuggie Bain.
This was not the correct answer.
The correct answer can be found by googling "best marketing books to read in 2023."
So what happens next?
Here we are, in 2024.
With funnels, omnichannels, SEO, SMS, PPC, SQLs, and MQLs.
Without stories.
Or, at least, without a reverence for stories.
Don't get me wrong. I love a tool. I get the tools. I look at the data. I love the data.
But they are nothing without a good, truthful story.
Landing pages don't sell printer software.
Landing pages that tell the story of how an efficient and unfailing printer system improves the mood of IT administrators so much that they actually crack a smile? Ca-ching.
I think my favorite KPI is a well communicated universal truth.
However, I fear that is not the "correct" answer.
And thus, I feel alone upon my fallow field as I watch the water levels rising.
Tell me I'm not alone! Please.
And perhaps you can tell me where the clients who do care about stories are hiding out?
OK, great.
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Thanks in advance.
✌️ Kristy
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Some good things are happening:
Going ON-DEMAND!
My online course is getting personal—soon it will be delivered straight to your inbox so even if you've been on the fence, sign up for info + early access
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Bring me to your leader
Or at least into your office where I can facilitate a variety of people-centered workshops to help build camaraderie and re-energize creativity
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